So its officially that time again. Time to head back to the Doctors to try and figure out why I can not get pregnant on my own. This is round two for us, Bailee will be 3 in December and coincidently also the 2 year mark of trying to get pregnant naturally.
The first time around had its challenges, I was a hysterical mess because I was so afraid I would not be able to have kids at all. Not being able to conceive on our own was so confusing to me. I had no idea that there could be so many reason why a person could not be getting pregnant.
The first time there was so much I did not know and I was scared to death. Now I know what to expect and here I am again, scared. I remember Clomid all too well.
Clomid and I had a LOVE-HATE relationship, or should I say realationSHIT. First off I did 7 rounds of Clomid. My Doctor said that at 7 rounds he would evaluate whether or not to continue because 9 rounds was the maximum rounds that was safe. 7 rounds and 7 months later we found out we were pregnant. I remember my appointment so well, it was month 7 I had gone in the day before for a blood test. Then the next day I had an appointment, My husband and I had talked and decided that we wanted to move on to other options. Not knowing of course at the time that we were talking about it that we were already pregnant. Every appointment started the same the nurse came in and took my bp and then read my blood test results from the day before. I had a whole speech prepared for when my Doctor came in and I was so nervous! I was afraid he might scold me for failing to tell him that I was having severe reactions. I was too afraid to be told that I wouldn't be able to be treated. I knew nothing about infertility treatments and I did not know that there was more than one option.
Clomid and I clashed!!! I would break out in a rash, it would be all up and down my arms and my fingers would swell and get stiff. It was difficult to keep taking it every month and then having the disappointment of not being pregnant. Another glorious side effect was the mood swings. In a way they were a good thing...Im certain my husband realized that pregnancy would be hard on both of us, but that was if he survived. He quickly learned what having a hormonal wife was like, and I think we both agreed there was no way being pregnant could be worse than being on Clomid. I suspect he began to think I was crazy...poor fellow.
The side affects were one thing, the emotional rollercoaster was another animal all together. Now we start a new chapter, one I am very reluctant to begin. This time around will be much different. Trying to get pregnant is hard, and its really expensive. We were fortunate to be one hundred percent covered while my husband was in the military. Now after a lengthy discussion with my insurance company I have been made painfully aware of just how hard this time around is going to be. All emotions and all the money spent hoping and praying that we will be blessed enough to once again be parents.
Along with all the other struggles I cant help but feel like I will once again drive my husband to the crazy. I get needy and weepy and constantly need a shoulder to cry on. Every month there is a new obstacle and a new disappointment and my amazing husband is a rock through it all.
I know that this whole journey is not all about me. I know my husband must feel such a weight on himself while being strong for me. But he hides it so well. He makes me feel like there is hope even while we deal with doctors dilly dallying and making feeble attempts to diagnose the root of the problem. My husband wants a son so deeply and I so very much want to give him everything.
So here we are, we have a long road ahead. my first appointment is August 15th, cant even express how scared I am. I am so anxious, and so excited.
So say your prayers for us, because we surely will need them. Its time Bailee became a big sister, I know she will be so great at it and so so excited. I cannot wait for the day I get to tell Bailee we are going to have a baby, Listening to her say baby over and over again will never get old.
Sometimes my heart hurts so much because there is this little empty spot where a son should be, don't get me wrong ill take another daughter in a heartbeat. We are not picky, but man I really want to raise a little boy who looks exactly like the incredible man I married. I want to raise a boy to be just as ambitious and respectful as his father. I want to see our son make another girl as happy as his father makes me and to continue to show people just how a gentleman really should treat a lady. =]
The first time around had its challenges, I was a hysterical mess because I was so afraid I would not be able to have kids at all. Not being able to conceive on our own was so confusing to me. I had no idea that there could be so many reason why a person could not be getting pregnant.
The first time there was so much I did not know and I was scared to death. Now I know what to expect and here I am again, scared. I remember Clomid all too well.
Clomid and I had a LOVE-HATE relationship, or should I say realationSHIT. First off I did 7 rounds of Clomid. My Doctor said that at 7 rounds he would evaluate whether or not to continue because 9 rounds was the maximum rounds that was safe. 7 rounds and 7 months later we found out we were pregnant. I remember my appointment so well, it was month 7 I had gone in the day before for a blood test. Then the next day I had an appointment, My husband and I had talked and decided that we wanted to move on to other options. Not knowing of course at the time that we were talking about it that we were already pregnant. Every appointment started the same the nurse came in and took my bp and then read my blood test results from the day before. I had a whole speech prepared for when my Doctor came in and I was so nervous! I was afraid he might scold me for failing to tell him that I was having severe reactions. I was too afraid to be told that I wouldn't be able to be treated. I knew nothing about infertility treatments and I did not know that there was more than one option.
Clomid and I clashed!!! I would break out in a rash, it would be all up and down my arms and my fingers would swell and get stiff. It was difficult to keep taking it every month and then having the disappointment of not being pregnant. Another glorious side effect was the mood swings. In a way they were a good thing...Im certain my husband realized that pregnancy would be hard on both of us, but that was if he survived. He quickly learned what having a hormonal wife was like, and I think we both agreed there was no way being pregnant could be worse than being on Clomid. I suspect he began to think I was crazy...poor fellow.
The side affects were one thing, the emotional rollercoaster was another animal all together. Now we start a new chapter, one I am very reluctant to begin. This time around will be much different. Trying to get pregnant is hard, and its really expensive. We were fortunate to be one hundred percent covered while my husband was in the military. Now after a lengthy discussion with my insurance company I have been made painfully aware of just how hard this time around is going to be. All emotions and all the money spent hoping and praying that we will be blessed enough to once again be parents.
Along with all the other struggles I cant help but feel like I will once again drive my husband to the crazy. I get needy and weepy and constantly need a shoulder to cry on. Every month there is a new obstacle and a new disappointment and my amazing husband is a rock through it all.
I know that this whole journey is not all about me. I know my husband must feel such a weight on himself while being strong for me. But he hides it so well. He makes me feel like there is hope even while we deal with doctors dilly dallying and making feeble attempts to diagnose the root of the problem. My husband wants a son so deeply and I so very much want to give him everything.
So here we are, we have a long road ahead. my first appointment is August 15th, cant even express how scared I am. I am so anxious, and so excited.
So say your prayers for us, because we surely will need them. Its time Bailee became a big sister, I know she will be so great at it and so so excited. I cannot wait for the day I get to tell Bailee we are going to have a baby, Listening to her say baby over and over again will never get old.
Sometimes my heart hurts so much because there is this little empty spot where a son should be, don't get me wrong ill take another daughter in a heartbeat. We are not picky, but man I really want to raise a little boy who looks exactly like the incredible man I married. I want to raise a boy to be just as ambitious and respectful as his father. I want to see our son make another girl as happy as his father makes me and to continue to show people just how a gentleman really should treat a lady. =]
I love your story. I'll be praying that everything goes well. I hope you and Matt tge best. You two are wonderful parents and can't wait to meet your little man. Love you always.
ReplyDeleteThank you Trisha!
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