A Story About How I Used To Be A Judgemental Jerk.

As a newer Mom ( I consider two years new, because it kinda is.) I never wanted to do so many things. I was totally ignorant, and very snobby...and when i formed all these crazy ideas i wasn't even a mom yet! I can totally admit now that they were crazy. Here is a detailed list of what i said i would never do....

1. formula feed.
2. co-sleep.
3. get an epidural.
(my reasons for no epidural stemmed from more than just being a snob, there were medical ones involved.)
4. my child would be potty trained by 2.

Let me just tell you how all that worked out.

Formula Feeding: Breastfeeding was super important to me, and it still is. However i cant help but feel like i got some bad karma in that department because i was so judgmental of people who would not even attempt it and just gave up before they tried. My specific case things were going well. My milk took 10 days to come in, which was very scary to me. I was so afraid to fail. After it did come in i never felt the need to worry about my supply. My daughter seemed happy and the doctors said she was healthy at exams. When she was about three months old i was hospitalized for gall stones which cause a blockage and pancreatitis. So for five days i was not allowed to eat, and that as all breastfeeding mothers know...is bad news in itself. No food and IV fluids only is a recipe for losing your supply very quickly. I pumped like a mad woman and even refused pain meds so i could keep all the milk i pumped. My daughter had to start on formula, and she did awful. She was almost 5 months old before we found a formula that did not have her vomiting constantly. I continued to nurse her till she was 7 months as well as formula feed, 7 months my body finally gave up. My supply was a mess to begin with but i completely dried up at that point. Right in time for her first tooth!

Co-Sleeping:
This one i know i was crazy to say i would never do. Im one of those people who are not functioning and literally fall asleep standing...or just cry when they are tired. Also i would shut down, i would not be me....i would yell and all that great stuff. So i realized early on that i was going to co-sleep. It actually saved my life, and possibly my husbands as well. Fortunately the week of my surgery she began sleeping much better and only waking up for one feeding...possibly due to be fuller from formula...well actually that most definitely what it was. my supply truly was crap! Miraculously my daughter also slept in her own bed through the night the week before my surgery so it looks like God had some sort of plan to help avoid total and complete misery!

NO Epidural:
So i was unusually freaked out by needles at one point in my life. (before pregnancy) So initially the though of having something needle like inserted in my delicate spine horrified the holy hell out of me. That was always my first reason. I then did some research about what to expect afterward and i became nervous that i may not be able to move around. Also i feared if i could not feel what was going on then i would not be able to do my part in pushing a human out of my body. And then there is my insane amount of allergies. I have quite a few that i know of. And i seem to learn about even more as time goes on...i of course get to find out the hard way and am always very unprepared. I should go see an allergist...but that would eliminate so much uncertainty...Now why would i go do something smart like that?! So the epidural thing, that was all me being afraid of pointy objects and anaphylaxis. Not crazy...just cautious. Also i should note i don't actually know if it is even possible to be allergic to an epidural...that info would have helped ease my mind. And as it happens i ended up getting one. After 19 hours of unmedicated laboring mostly at home, the doctor told me i should consider an epidural at that point because my labor was long and awful and when my eyes kept rolling in the back of my head and i began passing out he informed me if i was not conscious i would not be able to deliver my baby. He then dropped the "c" word. I snapped out of my i want to kill everyone in front of me stupor to evaluate whether or not id like to be cut open...or stabbed in the back. Dont worry im not crazy. I chose a good ol stabbing. It was a well executed stabbing, i felt relief shortly after.

Potty Training By 2:
My daughter turned 2 in December....its the end of February. Things are going well...no im kidding, things are not going well. I read a truck load of helpful information on best methods to make it quick an painless. And I do not know for certain but i think that the title of these "Quick and Painless" books and articles shared one common typo..it is after one traumatic weekend of relentless "potty training" that i am positive they made a mistake in the title of those article. I beleive the correct phrase they were searching for was"Quick To Be A Pain In The Ass". My child now hates her potty chair. She regularly disassembles it and hides pieces of it all over the house.

So lets recap shall we? Breastfeeding was the hardest thing ive ever done, it takes over your life and sometimes you find out your body just did not feel like showing up for the challenge even though you did everything right.
Co-sleeping saved my life and everyone who had anything to do with me at the time. Yay my family still loves me and i still have all my important friends in my life...oh and my husband still thinks i'm beautiful and wants to spend his life with me. So Co-sleeping saved me from being a friendless divorced loser. Yep IT saved my life.
Epidural...yea i needed it. And it didn't kill me like i felt so sure it could.
Potty Training? No. Not yet. Im waiting for her to forget the last time we forced her to run around naked and pee all over herself. Sorry i'm not sorry!

I learned a lot from becoming a mother. I learned to stop judging. which truthfully i still do but not like i did. I was harsh and single minded, and i am proud to have left that behind.